What I do when I get nervous

I get nervous sometimes about the thought of having a baby. Not scared or panicked. Not enfeebled or doubting. Not ever for one second wishing anything different. Just occasionally humbled by the enormity of it all. I sometimes weigh up my impatience and weakness and smallness against this wave of life and get a bit, well, awed.

Whenever I get nervous, one thought always calms me. Actually, more than calms; it picks me up, turns me around towards excited. And that is thinking about holding my niece Libby, my darling sister's baby girl. JJ and I held her when she was 10 days old and I remember being so thoroughly and deeply happy holding her (and I'm someone who is on very familiar terms with happiness).

So then I think about holding my own son or daughter and nothing else seems consequential.

The nursery

So it's done. The room that is, not the baby. That one's still got 10 weeks or so left in the oven.

The nursery used to be the spare room and, like the rest of the house, stood resplendent in builders' beige ever since we moved in a year and half ago. We thought that was a bit, well, beige. And so we set about stripping the walls, polyfillering (not a word, but should be) and sanding.













True to form, that bit took longer than anticipated.

Since we don't know the gender yet (is 'gender' appropriate? does it make my nascent child sound like a verb? seeing as it's not known to be male or female right now, is it like the neutral tense in German?) we opted for orange and white. It's a bright, vibrant orange. It says hope, fun, sunshine. It definitely doesn't say 'Home Depot/Homebase'. No, nope, niet. Whatever it is, we like it.

After painting, we installed a cloud light in the room. As those of you who know me will attest, clouds are a bit of an obsession of mine and like all good parents, I firmly believe that what I like must also be liked by my child (ahem).



Next, we loped down to Buffalo in the Fit to pick up some bargains from WalMart, thanks to JJ's characteristic online sleuthing. Crib and change table are now installed, waiting like a shop before opening.




Of all the recent changes, one of the most striking to me is the addition of the baby furniture. More than buying the stroller/pram, more than seeing baby clothes that people have bought for us. Walking to the bedroom now means seeing the crib out of the corner of my eye on the way past.

Guess we're having a baby soon!