What I do when I get nervous

I get nervous sometimes about the thought of having a baby. Not scared or panicked. Not enfeebled or doubting. Not ever for one second wishing anything different. Just occasionally humbled by the enormity of it all. I sometimes weigh up my impatience and weakness and smallness against this wave of life and get a bit, well, awed.

Whenever I get nervous, one thought always calms me. Actually, more than calms; it picks me up, turns me around towards excited. And that is thinking about holding my niece Libby, my darling sister's baby girl. JJ and I held her when she was 10 days old and I remember being so thoroughly and deeply happy holding her (and I'm someone who is on very familiar terms with happiness).

So then I think about holding my own son or daughter and nothing else seems consequential.